|My mantra as of late (text in alt tag)|
I finally have a surgery date. Wednesday, January 16th. It's the first week of classes and I'll be missing the first meeting or two of both classes and trying to work independently while recovering.
I'm excited, scared, frustrated, concerned....so many emotions. I've written about how I'm trying to postpone surgery because of the risks of pseudoarthrosis (where the fusion doesn't actually fuse). I've read a lot of horror stories about how surgery made certain problems worse....but my spine has become more unstable and I've needed to do something about it for a while.
Thankfully, I've found some success stories online recently. People saying that their nerve pain was immediately gone. Some folks have had rocky recoveries that at least lead to a higher quality of life. I'm hoping that I stop having the bobblehead feeling in my low spine, and hoping for less pain. I'm ok if I'm still a part-time wheelchair user because of the nerve damage making my balance & proprioception wonky. I don't expect to be pain-free from the surgery, and my surgeon's physicians assistant confirmed that this won't make me pain-free. I'm just hoping that I can get to a level where I can do my scholarly thinky work, not be constantly derailed in my speaking and writing, and have hope that I can do any of the jobs that my PhD will open up for me in the future.
I know it's risky, but I have hope. If nothing else, I'll have a conversation piece to get people thinking about cyborg theory! Or I'll just keep making bad cyberpunk jokes about the screws & rods that are part of the surgery.